H.O.P.- So what was the alleycat like?
The Mess- I don't know, I missed the start and spent the rest of the time in The Duke but I'll hazard a guess and say someone crashed and either Jos, Dazzler or Overdrive won.
Okay... not a problem, Alleycats are best reviewed by someone that actually raced so the total lack of info is not a big deal.
H.O.P.- So Rollapaluza were 'kickin it Old Skool' with a messenger only rollerrace at The Horseshoe what 'went down' there?
The Mess - Well, I didn't actually get more than a few feet passed the downstairs bar but out of the corner of my eye I could watch all the upstairs action on the CCTV screen.
H.O.P.- Well?
The Mess - Actually due to the camera angle I could only see the top of the back of the head of the racer on the left hand bike but by checking the crowd reactions I could tell who was winning. I did manage to see someone doing quite a long 'sexy' dance on his own with his shirt open...it was probably Buffalo Bill but it's hard to tell from CCTV footage, I can see why the Police never seem to catch anyone using CCTV images.
H.O.P.- Is that all you've got to report?
The Mess - No, downstairs a huge fat Masonic Lodge type managed to fall over our pile of bags 'cos he couldn't see them due to the enormous blind spot caused by his beer belly. I was also chatting to the Horseshoe manager who said he loves having the couriers round but always gets shit from the neighbors about noise when everone's leaving, he seemed to think we'd only been Roller Racing there for about 4 years so maybe the earlier events were so traumatic he's blocked them from his mind. I promised him I'd try and keep it down when I left and, true to my word I managed to knock over one massive pile of bikes but only shouted about two or three times.
H.O.P.- You are a fucking imbecile.
We should've learnt our lesson from when The Mess tried to cover last years Pirate Alleycat and only managed to come back with this one picture of Herbal Gerbil who wasn't even racing:
